I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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