So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
