If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
