there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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