yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
