i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
