My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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