I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
