Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
