I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
