just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize