I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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