I can text with my tongue
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
