the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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