Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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