I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
