Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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