i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
