My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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