he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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