think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
