My liver just broke up with me...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
