I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
