everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
