Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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