i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
