don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
