WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
