it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
