I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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