you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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