Having a random hookup so left but love u
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize