just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
