Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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