we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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