Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
