I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize