hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
