im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
