i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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