We're facebook friends in real life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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