Don't you send me to vm
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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