i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
