Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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