I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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