After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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