I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
