I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
