Michael Bay diarrhea
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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