I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize