discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
