Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
