if i can run in heels then i can drive
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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