Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
