A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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