Your dad touched me again.
I wish I only lived at night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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