Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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