Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
