Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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