I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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