He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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