yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
