her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
