the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize