he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
