can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
