Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize