dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
