Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
