If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
