i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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