We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
